Brandon Gerbig was born in a small cold hut in southern Saskatchewan. The walls were made of straw, mud, and the saliva of his German guardians. He was a scrawny child, but through a diet of lard and milk strait from the horse's teat, he grew into a strong and healthy Canadian.
He loves and appreciates science and the scientific method. He often kidnaps people just to subject them to impromptu and unsolicited lectures about his scientific passion of the day. The people often leave disturbed, but with a better knowledge of thermodynamics and the evolution of the horse.
Brandon enjoys a stiff cup of black coffee, as long as it is paired with a heaping plate of Bacon.
He often can be found staring into space, imagining and planning how he would survive various apocalypse scenarios.
Brandon also doesn't believe in the legitimacy of homeopathy, energy healing, creationism, lake monsters, anal probing, alternative medicine, the majority of conspiracy theories, psychics, ghosts, indoctrination, astrology, dowsing rods, cryptozoology, little green men, tall grey men, reptilians in the government, curses or hexes, polygraph tests, organized religion, colon cleansing, Qi, Feng Shui, crop circles, or tinfoil hats.
He is Brandon Gerbig, and he approves this message.
Eric Dalshaug was born twenty years ago in the heat of August, and raised by a mother bear for the first twelve years of his life. It is suspected that his Viking ancestry made getting along with other bears cubs come naturally to him. One might think that a mother bear might be a rather relaxed parent, but in fact mother bears push their cubs to attend good schools and get their noses clean. After all, a good education is the foundation of a good career in eating salmon raw from rivers.
Eric, true to his Norse heritage, is currently attending the University of Saskatchewan in the Department of Pillage and Plunder. He is in his second year of a major in the usage of Fire and the Sword. It's still more practical than a Gender Studies degree.
He inspires people to exercise glands they never knew existed. When he stumbled upon a pathetic man drowning in quicksand, he made a point to throw in his wife and child. It is rumoured that he cannot be tracked on radar. Most national defence policies have a "what if" clause involving him leading an army of Yetis and Vikings. He likes medieval martial arts, the study of history, being a sensible fellow, swords, drinking whisky and having a good fight. However, he absolutely hates pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
He is Eric Dalshaug and he approves this message.
Matthew Budge was born on January 7th, 1991, a day of blessing.
Matthew (or Matt for mere mortals), is currently studying business management in Grant MacEwan University. He finds that a degree in business is very versatile like an arts degree, but without all the useless hipster bullshit. This education will one day allow him to rule over a business, and later, the world.
Matthew learns from history. For example, he took the famous saying "let them eat cake" and applied it to his own life by indulging as much as possible. No raisins. He once considered politics, but decided to watch the less intelligent political parties of today try it out. It was like watching a bunch of rabies infested baboons attempting to cook a five star dinner. He could do it himself flawlessly, but he finds it more entertaining to watch to baboons fumble around.
If one wishes to please Matthew, they may present him with Ice Cream cake, a heavenly dish that dwarfs tiny accomplishments such as democracy, sliced bread and rocket ships. They've got nothing on Ice Cream cake. When he rules the world all other lesser cakes shall be outlawed. And so will forks, forks are for the weak.
He is Mathew Budge, and he approves this message.